Babies are born with 2 fear,
Fear of being dropped, and fear of loud noises.
They don’t have any more fears, they will go straight over the balcony and down the flight of stairs. They walk straight out of an open window, they will put a hand in the dogs mouth and stick your fingers in the electric socket.
Because they don’t know fear.
And the reason I’m telling you that is because, so many fears we have, are acquired.
So we are scared of being rejected, I don’t like when people look at me. Here’s the thing, when you are born what was your first experience?
Being looked at. The nurse, adult, mum, dad, grandparents. Looked at you, counted your toes.
No baby goes “No don’t look at me I’m a bit fat, I am having a bad head, or i’ve got these fat legs.”
Babies love being looked even when diaper is full and their nose is running, they like attention.
Your Fears Are Acquired and Learnt
So the fear of being judged an acquired fear, its a learned fear, we learn to fear being judged. Because we were judged unkindly or unfavourable. However you can overcome that by judging yourself really well.
So we have a kind of what I call extent of fears, what if I go out with this person and they dump me. What about i ask that person out, “Uff… I don’t wanna go out with you.”
What about go for interviews, no thanks! We are not looking for you. So this extent of fears, disappointment, rejection, hurt, pain, its okay to go through this experiences.
They mould you, they shape you, they grow you, and then we have internal fears. But you know we have the fear of falling. We go to the edge of a building, look down and our stomach plummet.
I go speak on stage, and my fingers feel kind of tingly because I decided to go with this excitement rather than run so nervous, and I so we have the inner nervousness, about doing things.
We have fears of dogs and cats and bees and lifts but these are all learnt fears for every person who fears cats, someone else will love them.
We use it as a charge that, dogs bite, or that cat will scratch you, or that bee is going to sting you, on you’re going to fall out of the tree and kill yourself or you might drown in the water.
Experiences
I had a word with a little boy recently was very fearful to because his father was saying things. “When I was in school this kid like you ran in the road and got ran over and killed. Cause he didn’t know where he was going. I knew someone who never learn to swim and on a holiday, he drowned.” and he wanted to make this kid save. And he actually terrified him because the filled him up with fear.
Of what could go wrong, the worst possible outcome, a plane is going to crash. I’m driving in the rain, I might skid and die, there is no point in those fears. When you focus on the worst possible outcome, you actually feel as if, you’re in that worst possible outcome.
The only way to overcome that Fear
And the only way to overcome that fear. Is that, instead of being focused on the worst possible outcome, just focus in the best possible outcome.
I’m driving its foggy, it’s dark, it’s icy, I might skid off the road and kill myself.
OR
I’m driving very carefully. I’m driving very slowly. I’m driving very cautiously because I’m going to be safe. And I’m going to get home. See. That’s the difference you just have to give yourself different beliefs. The thing with fear always, is that, you have two choices. Rationalise why you feel so terrible or talk yourself out of it.
I was out on a beach with my daughter and there was a big dog. It was quite a scary dog and she didn’t like this dog and I said to her, “Darling when you don’t like a dog, You get very scared and the dog doesn’t like it either get scared. So when is the see a scary dog, turn your back to it. Don’t look at it. because when you look at it you are challenging it and that’s hard to do to turn your back on the dog. But if you turn your back, it is not a challenge.” and she understood that.
Your Choice
And I always teach. When you have a fear you have a choice.
Oh my god! That dog is going to bite me, attack me, hurt me,
OR
I am going to talk to myself, I am going to turn away, I am going to breath, I’m going to be very calm. And that dog is going to go on its way
And it’s the same with everything in life that to do with fear rationalise why you feel so fearful or talk yourself about it.
I will be fine,
this is okay,
everything is going to work out perfectly,
I am okay.
All of these fears hold you back and they don’t have to because every fear you go through teaches you something.
You see, if you go to a funfair go to those loop the loop rides, you can scream in terror or you can scream in excitement, and the fact that we put ourselves through this rides is that in some level we quite like fear, it challenges us to do more, challenges us to grow more.
So don’t fear, fear. Remember the only fear to fear is fear itself. [End of Transcipt]