Like most guys, relationships during my younger years always ended up in a catastrophic manner.
Are you listening?
I don’t understand why can’t you just give me a bit of attention!
I hate it when you’re not facing me when I talk.
You don’t remember what I’ve said yesterday?
I got bombarded left, right and center. The feeling I got was like I got walloped in the Boxing Ring, sat on the platform dazed.
If I could point the major problem I have in all the previous relationships in the past, it will be – I have a super bad signal receptor when it comes to my partner.
Since young, I am actively study building human relations. I have been onto this quest to how to better improve my form of communication and learn how to treat people with respect.
My mind has always been thinking about such matters, which are trivial to most people. But the thing is no matter how hard I tried. My relationships didn’t work out.
So I will attempt to present what I’ve learned from my own failed relationships as well as what I’ve observed from the couple friends.
Women Talk In Fragment (But Totally Makes Sense to Women)
Now, I finally have a suitable image to represent what I see in my mind. When my previous partner(s) talked about their problems.
It looked like a fragmented hard disk image.
I had trouble figuring out where it(her problem) started, and what exactly she was saying.
Things are not easy at all.
So I’m like every guy, I tried to be a nice boyfriend, to offer my smart solutions, hoping they will stop making me more confused.
Silly move…, that made things worse. Now her problem became a problem with the relationship. Dreadful.
Her emotions, actual issues, imagined scenarios that never occurred – the “what ifs” and “whys” really overwhelms her. I did not have the capacity to handle everything at once, there was so much to process.
So I must say women really are super smart, they just tend to allow their EQ rule and beat them.
While we are good at deciphering main points without hearing the full story. (We have our smarts,)
Don’t do that to women. Let them talk.
They need to piece out the whole picture for us to see, that is their satisfaction. Don’t rob them of it.
Find The Pattern
So now looking back, I realized when women will articulate, there is this constant pattern. And I must give the most credit to my wife for my findings. She allowed me to constantly test on her to make sure my results stay in the right direction.
You might identify your relationship’s communication pattern is like the fragmented image above.
Please do not jump in and attempt to solve the problem. Without having the right tools and skillset to help her, it may make matters worse. You won’t want your partner to resent you in the long run.
This takes time and commitment.
So I hope to complete the series of Decoding the Mysteries with you. You can read the First Part here
Lafrance, Marianne & Vial, Andrea. (2016). Gender and Nonverbal Behavior. 10.1037/14669-006.