What have I learned from 5 seconds of Failed Conversation?
Mom: I need to head down to Uncle Nick’s place to collect some goods. Should we collect it today or tomorrow? (Dad drives)
Dad: No, please…not tomorrow, there will be heavy traffic (Irritated)
…and it’ll be super rush because you need to rush to work.
Mom: No, I’m not working tomorrow (slightly irritated).
Dad: (Relieved) Oh! Tomorrow is good then. But have to be after 9:30 am, please.
Mom: Yes of cos, I know…(Silence)
Then I closed the door and left them alone.
Goal
Identify the goal. Most men are good at picking up what the goals are.
Goals are simplest to solve – Do it or don’t do it.
But there’s a lot of rationalizing in between. Usually on Timing and Logistics. Men are exceptionally good at solving problems. So much so that we forget to ask women about their inputs.
Question
Every goal-setting comes with a (set) of the question depending on the complexity of goal itself.
The question is your opportunity to engage in a meaningful discussion and solve the problem(Goal) as a team. Usually, this is a lost cause.
My mom asked a legitimate question which warrants a counter-question from Dad. He could ask in a broad sense “Whats’ your plan for today and tomorrow?”or “What do you think?”
In this type of open question, he will satisfy her(emotionally) in the sense where he wants her contribution. He makes her feel valued by listening.
This subtle engagement are what women make felt heard and valued as partners.
Snap decisions will be practiced on many occasions, during times when no options are available or when partner is busy.
Anyway, my dad fired without warning, failed conversation….Facepalm.
Assumption 1
Typical reply. We assume the outcome. We want to simulate reaching the goal using the best and shortest possible route without any proper engagement. The brain functions primitively – That is to solve the problem(which he thinks is the best solution).
If he had counter-questioned my mother, he would have scored 2 bloody points instead!
1st point – He will gather more info about her plans today and tomorrow.
2nd point – Ask for her input instead of solving her problem (which increase her ability as a wife)
These 2 points are irrelevant to us. But it means a lot to women!
Important Point
Women don’t beg for us to engage them. They have dignity like we do. Remember they don’t owe you anything, and your gesture means something to them. They will appreciate your extension to them for good relationship etiquette.
If you treat your relationship right, your small gesture(s) will help extend your mileage quite a substantial amount.
Assumption 2
On fair ground, That is a “reasonable” assumption coming from my Dad. That means he thought about my mother’s work the next day, he would love to help her reach the goal but it’s too much work(men’s effort). There were concerns and kindness in that statement.
But no, she missed that out, because he detonated the bomb with the word “NO”.
So this assumption had negated his effort to make a comeback. All because of the NO and irritated expression.
To men, women should be able to see his effort and thoughts, right?
Advice to Dad: The end result will probably be more on the positive side if his assumptions are being clarified(if necessary) after Mom has voiced out her input.
Mom replied unhappy. Dad deserved it. Failed Conversation.
Failed conversation to attempt to make a comeback
My Dad tried to lighten the mood and move on. This subconscious phrasing of words got him into trouble.
He ended with a sarcastic “please”. Tell me about digging a hole to his own grave…
He detonated another bomb.
Important Note
In some cases when men detonated the bomb, he didn’t even know how he triggered it.
However, if men sets off the explosion on purpose (based on his assumptions) thinking he’ll be the winning party then chances are, he already lost. Click here to Read
Remember, both parties(especially women) will be “mortally wounded” after the explosion.
That’s not true! I care! Men protested.
Then mean it by taking note of how you speak and how you treat her. Don’t be contridictory between your words and actions and expression.
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